It has been the hardest week of my stage. Mentally I was breaking almost every night, trying to rebuilt from the wrecks to be able to wake up and show the next morning. I was trying to sing to myself, think about my passion, think about my goals by doing this, think about the weekend that seemed so far away. Trying to draw satisfaction from the little things: the intoxicating feeling of the branch of chervil being teared in my fingers, never wanting the four daily bunches to finish, dreading what will come after those. The sound of steams releasing from the surface of hot plates while cleaning them with a wet paper towel was addictive. Counting. Counting just about anything. Times I went down the staircase (33), lemon-halfs left to squeeze (42), number of fish bags to open (1 2 3 4 5, 5 4 3 2 1 ), how many minutes does it take to get home by walking to the 8th line (29 min) versus changing from line 3 to line 8 ( 26 minutes!), How many hours left till my break (5.5), how many hours left till the service is over and I can start cleaning up (4.5). How much time left till I’ll be in bed (2-3?).
The trumpet player in the metro one morning was playing beautifully. A guy in front of me one night coming back home was dancing with his feet to the rhythm of his music. Can’t think of anything else that really made me smile this week.
The weekend approached eventually against all odds. Yesterday I had the biggest smile on my face when I went to a bar and was instantly recognized by some of you, my blog readers! They were a group of new Ferrandi’s students and they were very excited to see me, it was an emotional moment for me. Thank you, in these very hard and desperate times these are the kind of things that keep me strong.
Still thinking about my next step…
is it true that you are 5 people trying to work in a tiny 6.5 sqm kitchen?
did you learn anything new during your 3rd week?
are others having such a hard time too at their internship too?
sounds like you’ve got a bad combination of the winter blues + exhausting workdays.
keep your chin up! the first few weeks are always the hardest.
The existential crisis will soon pass, leaving only the satisfaction of experiencing something so extreme.
proud of you.
Ish.
יקירה, תחזיקי מעמד. תצמחי, תלמדי ותתחזקי מהתקופה הזו. הרבה נשיקות וחיזוקים חיוביים.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way
ובקיצור – יהיה טוב. סומכת עליך
thanks you guys, miss you
Dear Mashav,
I guess that Paris in winter is romantic only in songs… Hang in there – spring is around the corner, with warmer days & better moods!
Is it so hard for everybody? You guys -Ferrandi group- could have a support group for coping with the (shocking) first weeks of internship… Try talking more to your fellow suffering classmates and compare notes – maybe you’ll be able to see some humor or comfort…
Remember -we’re rooting for you here & following your posts avidly -the happy ones & the harder ones, and a part of me is with you there, carrying boxes up & down & picking the herbs… wish I could be there helping you physically too!
All my love & support,
Doda Eli7
קשה לשים לייק לפוסט שכזה. והדימוי של דיקנס שחן נתנה אולי הוא הכי מתאים , אולי אוליבר טויסט יותר מסיפורן של שתי ערים השאלה שנשאלת כמה שבועות נוספים שכאלו תהיי מוכנה לעבור ואף אחד לא מבטיח שמשהו ישתנה חוץ מרוח האופטימיות של אנשים אופטימיים
Mashav, I am glad you met up with some of my Ferrandi classmates at the bar. I guess it is normal to feel what you feel after an intensive 5 months of training at school and continuing your intership almost right away without a break.
Since class started at Ferrandi 3 weeks ago, I have met some fascinating people and we work well together! I myself am making a big career change and ask myself constantly where all these will lead me to?
I guess, for you, after leaving Ferrandi, and on to internship was a big change. Now, I can’t even imagine what it would be like in the kitchen without my dear fellow classmates like Andrew, Johanna, Gloria, Inbal, Liz, Derek, Laissa, Panos, Lydia, Laura, Luka….I know I will be a little lost without them.
Also, meeting fascinating people from all over the globe and in a totally different context from what I have gone through in my life has made me rethink of my priorities, my mistakes, my choices in life, have I made the right or wrong choices?? This weekend has been especially difficult for me….We are constantly searching for answers.
Thomas